Another Easter on earth....He is risen!!!

This is our second Easter since Jason died, our sixth since Jerry's illness. I find myself changing..day by day, month by month. year by year. When Jason first died, all I could think about was the time when I would join him and be free from the sorrows of this life. I think this is very common for believing Mom's who have lost a child. But as time passes, I realize that God has a divine purpose for my life and I am content to seek His wisdom and His plan. I find myself desiring to know Jesus, really, really know him. I am no longer content to know of him or know about him....I want to know HIM. When Jason died, all I could think about was seeing him once again when the Lord called my name. Now, while my heart still leaps at the thought of seeing Jason once again, it is the face of Jesus that I long to see, the voice of the master that I long to hear. There is the longing to just know Him that has replaced much of the sorrow , a genuine desire to know His heart that has replaced the anxiety. As my love for Him grows it fills my soul with his peace. It is an on going process, to be sure, but I am beginning to see His purpose in this journey and I know that there is coming a day when I shall see Him face to face. Until that time, I can say this without any reservations...I know that my redeemer lives and I know the joy of my salvation. So, praise God, I will spend another Easter here on earth, rejoicing in greatest gift I have ever received....the gift of God's own son. And I shout with all the other saints of God from every corner of the earth....He is risen....praise God...He is risen!!!!!

Death.....the great teacher

I have not posted in a while. As I travel this road, I find myself searching my heart and the heart of God for his purpose my life. I quit asking why did Jerry get sick, why did Jason die, why does it seem that Jerry is not going to fully recover, and have begun to ask.....what is it that you want me to learn, how can those things that have seemed to turn my life upside down and break my heart in two. change and mold me into your image? As the Lord reveals things to my spirit, I find it harder and harder to put into words what is in my heart. We can learn much from the death of a loved one...but the lessons are hard learned and come at a great price. I have learned that much of what I thought I knew about my faith and my beliefs was simply not true. I have learned that it is not until we give up our "right to be blessed, our right to be healthy, our right to be prosperous" that God can begin to grant us the privilege to know his will for our lives. I never wanted to be broken, but I have found that it is not until I am broken that God can take the pieces and create the person he wants me to be . I never wanted to know gut wrenching sorrow, but I have learned that it is in sorrow, that we learn compassion, true kindness and find a prayer life that we never knew was possible. I never wanted to understand what it was like to watch my hopes and dreams die . but have found that from the ashes of death and sickness comes a life free from fear, free to say.......I surrender all, I surrender all, all to thee my precious Jesus, I surrender all. And lastly, death has freed me from the need to "understand" those things that were never meant to be understood, to "accept" that which to me was not acceptable(sickness and death) and to truly set my mind on things above, always keeping that as my perspective. I do not believe I could have learned these things any other way. Had I seen the road ahead of my, I would have crumbled in fear, for the journey has not been easy. But as our precious Jason always said...God is good, all the time....and I am convinced every day, that God is indeed Good.....all the time.Amen