What more could a mother ask?

Something is happening in my soul, but I am not quite sure what it is. I am thinking a lot about heaven these days...not in a "life is so hard I want to go there" way but more in a " I wonder what it is like for Jason in heaven" way. I have also begun to consider things that have never occured to me before....and with these have come freedom.One thought is this..Jason does not need me any more.He does not need my love, for he is in the presence of pure, perfect love. He does not need my advice, for he has found the wisdom of the ages. He does not need a mother any more, for he has found in God, the perfect mother and father and savior and friend. Therefore, Jason is free, so should I not be free too? Does it really make any sense to spend hours or days grieving when Jason has more than everything he will ever need or want? Should I not be free from the burden of grief, to love, and nurture and care for my husband and children and grandchildren? The answer, of course, is yes....I will have eternity to be with Jesus and Jason, but for right now, I have work to do..here, a husband to care for....here, children and grandchildren to love and nurture....here. To rob myself of the sheer joy of this calling in order to indulge a selfish need to grief, is not who I want to be, it is not who I have been called to be, it is not who I am. I will forever miss Jason...I am his mother and I will always be his mother...but I will lay down my sorrow and live the faith I confess, I will step away from my grief, and love those who still need my love, care for those who still need my care, and fullfill the calling that God has placed on my life. I will not promise an end to the tears...for there will always be tears...but they are for me, not for Jason. And when they come, I will wipe them away, knowing that God sees them, and understands them....then I will go on and do His bidding...taking care of those here one earth with the blessed assurance that even as I care for them here, God is taking perfect care of Jason, in heaven.What more could a mother ask? .What a wonderful God we serve.