“YOU HAVE KNOWN ME”
8 years ago
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Getting Free
It is the desire of my heart not to be stuck in a place of grief and sorrow. Some days I think I have accomplished this goal, other days I wonder if I will ever accomplish this goal. On those days, it almost feels like to not be grieving is to say that life without Jason is ok with me and that simply will never be the case...NEVER. But I am fully aware that grief is not what defines love. As I wonder through this maze of emotions, I know one thing, I am grounded in one thing, and that is this....".The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning....Great is thy faithfulness, Oh Lord."( I remember singing that scripture to Jerry when he was in a coma for several weeks. And again I sang it to him every night while he was in the ICU at WakeMed, then for weeks at UNC and Duke hospitals.) That is where I want to be grounded all the time, in the steadfast love of God. That is what allows me not to be stuck in grief all the time. He reassures me daily that Jason is in His presence, free from everything that binds us here on earth, free to love His Lord, worship His Lord and praise His Lord unencumbered. I will always miss Jason for I am his mother...till the day I die, I will be his mother. But I am also painfully aware, that Jason was never mine...He belonged to God from the day he was concieved until the day God called him home, my head knows this but my heart is still trying to let go. So as I sit here in the early hours of the morning, thinking about how to go on with a life that is very different from the one I thought I would be living, I am thankful that God's mercies are new every morning, that great is His faithfulness toward me, and most importantly, that His love for me is steadfast and never ceases. And I too, though encumbered with the sorrows of this world, I too, can join Jason and love my Lord, worship my Lord, and praise my Lord. Because of that truth, I am not stuck in a place of grief and sorrow.....I just visit there every now and then.
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I am so sorry you lost your son to suicide. I cannot speak of the pain of losing a son but I did lose a friend to suicide in 2005.
ReplyDeleteI write today to let you know you are NOT alone. The grieving process is tough, but, let all your crying and emotions out, feel the love of God inside you and know there are thousands and thousands of us here to support you.
Even in my friend's death, I found a gift. I got the gift of my own life. I was on a dark path and his death was a wake up call for me.
I work now to support other survivor's of suicide and to encourage them to keep going, not to give up and to embrace the playfulness of life.
Life is a beautiful banquet and we have the opportunity to embrace love, laugh and carry on. Our loved ones would have wanted that for us. That is my belief.
You may find some helpful things on my site. I invite you to stop by to take a look.
With support and light,
Christa
http://www.giggleon.com